Time Travel

Today was a rough day at work. I am growing so incredibly frustrated by the amount of work that I need to do for such shit pay. I need to be proactive and look for another job, but the kicker is that after work I got to the gym and by the time I get home, shower, eat and sit down I am so exhausted that the last thing I want to do is sit in front of my laptop and look for jobs. ...but hey, at least I made it to the gym right?

So in keeping with the trend this week of writing a reflection blog every day I found a post from 2011 right before I traveled to London for a summer course in theater study.

May 31, 2011

One month later... 
I leave for London this Saturday. I'm excited to GTFO of Wisconsin and this God damn country! Trent* and I are somewhat in a tiff. I don't know why but he pretty much pissed me off last night after we got done fishing. (BTW, caught a crappie! or w/e) I wanted to go to T-Bell and he kept giving me shit and was fighting it - if he was trying to be cute it was lost on me because it was just annoying. What should have been just an annoyance somehow got blown out of proportion and context and now it's like this HUGE thing. UGH! I'm so over this bs! I hate being an emotional cunt. And I knew that I would do something stupid like this. Becoming an emotionally dysfunctional drama queen who is pushing people away so that I don't get hurt. Which ALWAYS backfires because right now I'm so emotionally raw and hurt that this has got to mean that I'm in love...right? -sigh- I just hope that I didn't fuck things up too much. I hope Trent still loves me and doesn't want to break up. I don't want to break up or see other people. I just need space so I can get my shit together. I'm hoping that being away in London will help me. 

*Name has been changed


-Deep breath- Okay...where do I even begin with this post?

First of all, I was 20 and dating Trent* was like the second major relationship that I was in, and the first when I was in college. It's cringy re-reading this post, let alone having to type it up. I can see now that I was being emotionally manipulated and even though I know there was a lot going on at the time, I had a LOT of growing up to do. I'm thankful for the experience but even more thankful for the fact that I am a stronger woman now and can spot the emotional bullshit a lot sooner.

I would love to travel out of town, state, country. London was such a great experience, I really want to get back out there someday soon.

Looking back at the relationship with Trent, once we broke up, (which happened around the Oscars of 2012) my friends who had met him, as well as my mom said that they didn't like him much. He was a bit awkward and couldn't appreciate my intelligence. You're going to start seeing a theme here once we get rolling on all the boy drama that I have suffered through.

I've been single longer in life than I have been in a relationship... and that is putting all the time I've spent in relationships together. Right now I am so focused on getting out of this shit hole that has become my life than trying to be in a relationship, a healthy relationship with someone is so far beyond my scope.

So let's see what tomorrow brings, and where I'll be at in three months. Things can only get better...right?

Until next time, do something for someone else.
-J