Dearly Beloved

Dearly, beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn the loss of a blog so young. This blog was only a few weeks old before the inpatient owner decided to seek her sites elsewhere.

Condolences and sympathy views can be forwarded to her new site:
jourdynsreflection.wordpress.com

The blogger would like to thank those who have read her work and have followed her on her very short and very misguided journey thus far. Please continue to do so at: jourdynsreflection.wordpress.com

Thank you.

Now go gently into that good night.

jourdynsreflection.wordpress.com

Hopeful Romantic

Currently writing this as I wait for my car to have its oil changed and tires rotated. The wifi here is not the best, but I shall make do. Really glad I had the foresight to bring my laptop and journal so I can crank out today's entry because this is going to take at least an hour if not longer. (Way to go Tires Plus, great job on efficiency). I joke though, the guy who checked me in was really nice and was able to check to make sure they had the oil in stock that went with the coupon I had, so way to go, Andrew,* you get the gold star in customer service.

Today has been a really great day so far after my car is done I have QPower to go to and then need to get some groceries and incidentals. I also hope to get some pages of the short story that I'm working on cranked out.

Looks like today's journal entry is a long one, at least three pages long. Let's get to it.


Sunday, June 7, 2009

I finally cut my nails, and I'm not going to lie, it looks weird to me. I really wish that I didn't have to work today. I realized that I told Mrs. C that I'd stop in on Thursday but I can't because I have Orientation, I need to look at my papers to see where I'm supposed to go. 

The Minnesota trip was downright amazing and it really made me think about moving to St. Paul. Man, I'm so proud to have been born there, I just wish I could have spent some time growing up there too. 

I hope Lindsey's* present fits her, I got her a 'Flight of the Concords' T-shirt thanks to Bethany's* help for finding it. 

I'm going to watch 'Phantom' and paint my toes bright sparkly blue!

So I was mistaken in thinking that Orientation was this week, it's next week so I can visit Mrs. C on Thursday. Yay. Wow, I really love 'Phantom of the Opera' and I love coffee and that it's picking me up so I don't feel so dead. I think that I might just survive work tonight. I really hope May* is working GSTL tonight because she is super laid back and awesome. 

I'm recognizing the signs of a lonely heart and hopeless love and I want to put them to an end before anything happens! I'm starting to think that I'm a hopeless romantic. I mean I read romance novels in hopes that someday I may be one of the heroines and deep in my heart of hearts, I really enjoy romantic comedies. -sigh- I know though that I'm in no shape (pun accidentally intended) for any romantic relationship. I hope that something does find me though, I hope that someone fabulous comes into my life this summer, I really hope. 

Lisa* just called, we're going to hang out on Tuesday after her orientation. She told me that she's dating Trevor* now. I'm glad that everything worked out for her and Trevor and that the whole Kris* thing is over. I'm also happy that she called, I'm glad that people are calling me at home and taking the summer sans cell seriously. Ugh, now I need to get ready for work, I hope it goes by fast!

Work was so friggin' SLOW! I'm so glad that it's over! I'm watching "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" even though the Tonys are on, I don't feel like watching it with it being more than half done. 

Oh my god, if I EVER turn out to be one of the girls in this movie I think I might shoot myself! Evan* was working today, he's cute. If he wanted to hang out after work I'd be game. 

Oh my God, I really love this movie. Kate Hudson is amazing! She's SO FUNNY! Oh my Jesus, I'd LOVE to try this sometime. Hahaha oh and let me add that Matthew McConaughey is a BABE! Oh man, I'm so jealous of everyone in a really amazing relationship right now. Oh Goddess of love, please work your magic so that I can experience a truly amazing relationship.

"Tone deaf and drunk is never a good combination" - How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

*Names have been changed


Lots to reflect on in this post. So in case it hasn't been mentioned, in 2009 I auditioned for and got accepted into the BFA Acting program at US-Stevens Point. I believe the orientation I was referring to was the general Freshman orientation at UW, and not the Theater Program one, that one usually happened in August and then there was a 'Dis-orientation' to follow.

Ironically "Lisa" and "Trevor" only dated for a few months. Lisa ended up dating some women after that, and many years down the road Trevor would marry one of my sorority sisters and have a kid. Life is funny how it works, isn't it?

Not sure if I would consider myself a hopeless romantic even today, but after Googling the definition maybe I am. I believe that everyone is inherently good and that tomorrow is a new day and things will always work out.  It won't do you ANY good to dwell on the negative and surround yourself with pessimistic assholes,...if you're doing this please do yourself a favor and stop. Surround yourself with people who find the good in everything, people who radiate positive healing energy. Find those people, and make them your people. Your soul will thank you.

As I reflect on life and love I think that perhaps the term hopeless romantic is flawed. I'm not hopeless, I'm hopeful, thus I must be a Hopeful Romantic. I have hope in love and in the good that lies in everyone. I have hope that I will find love again and hope to find the ability to love myself unconditionally. I doubt I would have made it this far in my life if I had a hopeless attitude about everything. Even when I went through messy breakups, leaving my job unexpectedly, and started this journey of self-discovery, I always remained hopeful about the lessons that I have learned and for the next chapter in my life.

When it comes to love and romance though, I am on a hiatus. I'm not currently seeking anyone or anything out and my dating profiles are quietly collecting dust somewhere in the dark vastness of the internet. And that is just perfectly fine by me. I usually like to have my life more or less in order before I decide to add a romantic relationship into the equation. I never took calculus and men are complicated enough as is.

...Am I becoming like Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City? Is that what this blog will become? I did really love the series, so maybe that won't be the worst thing in the world. Who would be my Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha? Should I start an open casting call? Ha, what a thought to have.

Well, I think that I've rambled enough on this entry, if you've been reading my blogs so far, thank you. Not sure how I'm liking this format on Blogger, may want to explore other options but so far this interface seems to be the easiest to use. If you readers have any feedback please let me know. It'd be nice to know what you think.

Until next time, feel the sunshine on your face and smile.

- JG

Quotable

Four more hours and then I shall be free and will have the next two days off. I can't freaking wait. I've been pretty tired the last few days, but I plan on going to the gym after work today, and it's Combat class so I'm looking forward to hitting something...hard.

So today's entry is a bit weird, as I was reading through it in my journal it's really just a bunch of random quotes and some observations on the senior class trip that I was on to Minnesota. (Still taken from the same journal as the last few blog posts)

Let us continue...


Saturday, June 6, 2009

"I want to die like my grandfather in my sleep. Not like his passengers screaming." - Bethany*

"Oh, what a beautiful morning! Oh what a beautiful day! I have a beautiful feeling that everything is going my way!"

Note to self, watch Doctor Who!

Exhaustion taking over, must sleep, too happy to! Why am I writing like Captain Kirk? Ha, Ha. William Shatner, you're a silly bitch. 

"Don't just live. Shine" - Billboard

After a perhaps premature rest stop in Chippewa Falls, we are back on the road. Another hour perhaps before we get to Minnesota. I need to take a nap before we get there so I'm not completely zonked out for Phantom. 

Bethany and I have been having the most lovely conversations. I'm so glad she came because there are a lot of people who did come that I really don't care for...

This day has been legendary as Bethany so put it, and it's not even done!

To be perfectly honest though, I don't know how much more of these people I can take, and for whatever reason, I keep stressing out about tomorrow so it's making the rest of the day less enjoyable.

*Names have been changed 


You know how some people have verbal diarrhea where they just can't seem to shut the fuck up and say whatever is on their mind...well clearly I have the same condition but with writing! JFC. I don't even remember who was on the senior class trip, but maybe if I wasn't such a moody little shit I could have enjoyed it a bit more.

I did watch some Doctor Who but never became a Whovian (is that what the fanbase is called?) When I studied abroad in London I saw David Tennant who played the 10th Doctor in the play, 'Much Ado About Nothing'.



This morning I was talking to a co-worker about life and the fact that I'm a bit bitter and angry about where I am currently at in life, and he put some stuff into perspective for me. He said that this (working at the bookstore) is a good place to be when you're transitioning, especially if you want to be a writer. You have access to thousands of books at really good prices, plus you see the trends of what is coming in that people want to sell, and what's going out that people are buying; and as a prospective writer that kind of information is very valuable.

Yesterday on my lunch break my manager asked if I was a writer since I had my laptop out, I joked and said, "I guess I am." since y'know...I'm fucking writing! Literally. Beyond this blog and my personal journal, I am working on a side project. Right now it's more so an exercise to flex my writing muscle and to push myself to write a short story. That adjective of 'short' might change depending on how much I get into it.

What makes blogging and journaling so easy is that I just write what I'm thinking or feeling at that given moment in time. Actually sitting down and writing a fictional story with characters and make it interesting is a lot more difficult because if I'm not in the creative mood or if inspiration isn't striking like it use to, then I have little to no desire to sit down and write it. Thankfully I did write some great notes and ideas down in my idea journal, so hopefully, I can go back to that and find the creative inspiration to sit down and crank out a couple of pages over the next few days.

Well, that's all I have for this entry today.


Until next time, do something for someone else today.
-JG

The Purse

Today is one of the rare days where I don't work until 11am and so I have a good chunk of my morning to myself where I can write and do whatever the hell I want. It's a nice change of pace honestly.

Last night I was so exhausted that I went to bed before 9pm and slept until my alarm went off at 7am. Today might just have to be a rest day for me while I bounce back from being really tired and physically exhausted.

So the current journal that I have been writing from is right now the most consistent with entries and I think I'm going to stick with reflecting on this stretch for a little while longer. My other journals will pick up more so at the end of the month and early July.

Today's entry is a bit on the small side, and not a lot of substance.



Friday, June 5, 2009

Finally finished my purse! YAY! It's so awesome, I can't believe I made it! I had every intention of going for a bike ride to my dock but I believe a nap is in order. 


Yup, that's all you're getting today because that's all I wrote! This purse that I keep talking about really did take me forever to make, and I think I might still have it somewhere in storage. It is black and red with a nice little smocking pattern that I embroidered on the front, that is what took forever. I remember re-using some zippers and old fabric that I either got from Goodwill or the sewing supplies that I inherited when my grandma passed away. If I ever find the purse I'll be sure to upload some photos of it.

Well, that's all I have for today on this blog, I'll see y'all tomorrow!

Until then, go outside and enjoy the weather!
-JG

Missing Home

Well, I forgot to write a blog yesterday, but to be fair it was my only day off and damn it I had shit to do yo! Thankfully I remembered to write in my personal journal, so my June goals are still on track. I must confess that I spent a good chunk of my day off watching the 50 Shades of Grey series. Judge me all you want you judgemental bastard but I enjoyed those movies! The soundtracks were great and given the source material I thought they did a good job adapting what they could. It boggles my mind reading some of the reviews that people were SO upset by the movies...I mean did they not even read the books? It's pretty basic, easy reading, erotica. It's not like it's Jane Austen. After reading that the author E.L James wrote the series after reading Twilight and becoming obsessed, I gotta say I can TOTALLY see that. I started to re-read the books because I wanted an easy summer read that I could get into and that was all I had that fit in my personal library.

Anywho, enough about that drivel. Today's entry is following the same past entries from the same journal.


Thursday, June 4, 2009

How hard is it to find a new planner? Apparently very hard. I really don't want to go out to Walmart, maybe I'll find something in Minnesota. I mean we ARE going to the Mall of America! God if I can't find anything there I'll be so pissed!

So I'm pretty sure my purse will be done tomorrow! Well, it better be because I want to bring it with me on Saturday. Which reminds me, I need to pack my backpack tomorrow.

Just for the record, I can't believe I've kept my nails this long for so long! Super proud. I should really get back home so I can actually eat something and start watching the movies that I'm going to get. Also, I think I'm going to crochet Lindsey* a hat. I just hope her's turns out better than mine...

The beautiful thing about today besides the gorgeous weather is that I have NO engagements today! I don't have to be anywhere or do anything! I just get to take things at MY pace and whatever happens, happens. Like right now I'm at the dock with my shoes off, enjoying the sun and view, writing in my journal because I CAN! I LOVE TODAY! Oh yeah and I so just put my feet in the water... It's cold but nice.

My plan for the summer is to get out and enjoy it as much as possible. I feel like I was going to write something but then forgot...oh, yeah, so there has been a big increase in journal sales and they have been priced ridiculously, I refuse to spend more than a dollar on my composition journals. Plus, these are so much fun to decorate, why would anyone want some overpriced blank book?

Let us be as cliche as possible...this dock, this bench, I want them to be MY spot. Granted it's a public place yes, but I want to experience sunrises and sunsets here. I want to come here to relax and explore. I want this to be mine!

I'm watching Master and Commander and I'm so confused by what is going on! This movie is terrible! It's like Pirate but from the view of the English and the pirates are French! Fucking weird movie. Thankfully it's almost over. Once this is done I'm going for a walk/jog over to Zenoff, my new favorite place to go. I just ate so I feel like a fatty even though I ate just enough.

There is a lovely shade of red on my chest, I should really start using sunscreen because with the rate of me finding new moles and freckles one of them is bound to be cancerous!

So I went on my walk and I didn't even get to the corner of SPASH before my mom showed up and pulled over, we went to County Market and we picked up some stuff then she dropped me off at the corner of the hotel across from the Holiday trail so I walked the one mile and then collectively jogged halfway back all the while having thoughts and visions of Roger* plaguing my head. Jesus why? I'm starting to feel like Eve from 'Sweet as Sugar, Hot as Spice'. I wonder if Roger is going to be on the Minnesota trip...OH GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF GIRL! YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE THE GUY THAT MUCH! So why are you wasting your time thinking about him...because I want to prove him wrong, I want to lose this weight and become this gorgeous actress just to have him drool over me so I can say, "Ha ha, NO!" Jesus that's cruel, but it'd make for one hell of an adventure...Jesus. 

*Names have been changed


So the saga of tortured love for this poor soul Roger continues...gross. What's even worse is the fact that I actually wrote about wanting to lose weight and because beautiful just to prove him wrong...(Can't remember if there was a comment that was made or just an assumption on my part, either way, yikes.) Thankfully I'm hitting the gym and eating fewer carbs for my own personal benefit, not for a man or anyone else. Let me just tell you all right now, this is REALLY FUCKING HARD! Oh god, I did NOT want to go to Q today after work, I was tired and felt a little sick on the drive over. Thankfully I showed up, changed, and went to class. And yes, I'm glad I did it even though it was so fucking annoying and I am now exhausted. I almost forgot to finish this blog entry today but I refuse to go two days in a row and not write a blog.

Back on topic though, I do miss the dock in Point and have been wanting to get back up there pretty badly the last few weeks. My good friend from college is getting married at the end of the month in Point and I'm looking forward to her wedding and hopefully seeing the town a little bit.

I was so ready to leave that town and move to the city, now I'm finding myself missing the little college town and growing tired of this overgrown city.

Thankfully none of my moles show any sign of cancer, and I'm very conscious of wearing sunscreen. I wish I could tan, I'm so jealous of people who can tan, alas I am just a soul-less ginger gathering souls as quickly as they turn to freckles. Thanks, South Park.

I find myself rambling just as badly as when I wrote this entry back in 2009, so I'm going to wrap it up and lay down for the night.

Hope you guys were able to survive Monday.
Until next time, get some rest.

-JG

2009

Today's reflection is from the same journal as the one from yesterday. It's a lot longer and a very sporadic compared to my other entries thus far.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Tuesday, glorious Tuesday! Lindsey* woke me up this morning. We stopped at County Market and I finally cashed in my paycheck. We went to Micky D's for breakfast, I paid for her of course, then we stopped at SPASH so I could work on my purse and of course, Mrs. Case* was busy doing something else. I'd been fine waiting and working longer but Lindsey* was with me and I wanted to get going on my other stuff, like laundry and feeding the ducks moldy bread. 

We went to the library and I got a new book, then we went to Radio Chaos and I spent $30 on NIN CDs. I got The Downward Spiral which I've been wanting for a very long time and also Ghosts I-IV which is all instrumental. 

I just got home from a bike ride to the cemetery. Yay for me for being active! Now I just need to eat something small... 

I'm watching Tomb Raider, my favorite movie. I might be Linsey's* DD tonight. I sorta hope she finds someone else just because I don't want to be out all night but eh, I suppose if she really needs me... 

Well, guess who just got ANOTHER scholarship! Granted it seems like it's the one that I got from FCE but I got 2 letters and it says that it's worth $250 and my FCE one is worth $100... So I hope it's a new one and since I have 2 letters it's both $250 each. Too bad my mom never bothered giving me that letter, I found it by the back door... Whatever.

I think I'm going to crochet myself a hat because I'm bored and I want to make something. 

So apparently you can bartend and serve alcohol at 18 but you can't be in or sit at a bar until you're 21 - fucking lame! So now I just have to wait for Lindsey* to call when she's ready to quit for the night. I did finish the hat I started today, it's huge so I think I screwed up but it looks like the hats that are in indie fashion... 

I need to stop fantasizing about Roger*, really I do! It's bad for one's health! Really the guy is... who am I kidding, do I really even HAVE a type? He's nothing like the other guys I use to like, he's narcissistic, and has a HUGE freaking ego, can't possibly stand me and is far too skinny for his own damn good. Plus he has rat-like qualities and features. AND let us not forget who is the older sister is. Yes, Makenzie the bitch, can't fucking STAND her! In fact, the only person I can stand in that family is the youngest one because she's so sweet. Why oh why OH WHY DO I KEEP THINKING ABOUT HIM!? Why do I keep playing these stupid fucking scenarios in the back of my mind over and over again? UGH! Kissing him was such a mistake, even though it WAS scripted. Ug,h I can only wish he's this crazy as I am, but I know he's not because he as the wonderfully badass Vanessa* to occupy his mind...God, I need to find myself a playmate. 

*Names have been changed


Jesus, I forgot how hung up I was on this "Roger" kid. It really makes me laugh now, glad I got over him quickly. To think this was all happening when I was just 18 years old puts things into perspective as far as emotional growth and development. I really was an angsty teenager.

Nine Inch Nails (NIN) is still one of my favorite bands and Ghosts I-IV is one of my favorite albums to listen to when I can't sleep or when I want some quiet music in the background.

My writing style within this post and in future posts is a bit all over the place, almost like I have ADD and can't seem to focus on what I'm writing. It's very much a play-by-play on my daily life. The deep thinking with more serious inner reflections doesn't come into practice until much later, and I guess that makes sense because usually as we grow we become more emotionally mature in nature.

Well that's all I have for today, my lunch hour is in its final minute.

Hope you are having a great Saturday. Get out and do something nice for someone else.

Until next time, smile.

-J

Happy June

Do you ever get that feeling in your stomach as you're trying to eat that nothing you're eating tastes good and it's just causing your stomach to feel really bad? Like you have a bad stomach ache or acid reflux and you can barely gag down your food. That is what I'm feeling like currently on my lunch break, usually when I get this feeling it is because something is triggering my anxiety which makes sense. It's the first of the month and bills are due, so money is a big stressor for me right now; also I can't help but feel that something terrible is going to happen...so, you know, that's great. Chances are though that I am just tired and need a day off, which will come Sunday. Not soon enough in my opinion.

One thing that I know for sure that I will need no matter what job I take next is that I will need someday off on a consistent base. Preferably on the weekend...in fact, I would LOVE to have weekends off, and to work a normal set schedule.

For today's reflection, we are going back to 2009

Monday, June 1st, 2009

Still feel like shit but now I feel like shit on drugs, G'damn. I woke up at 9am and went to school so I could work on my purse. I'd love to finish it tomorrow but I won't hold my breath. I'm so glad that I'm only working a 4-hour shift today, I hope I get another Red Card today. I really want to feel better NOW! I hate being sick! God, I can't wait until tomorrow, walking downtown, not having to work. Niceness. 

So my $20 in Red Card stuff was spent wisely. I got air fresheners, nail strengthener, cough and throat drop, "gourmet" cat food for Jack, and milk and eggs. Man, I'm so happy that I have the day off tomorrow! I'm almost tempted to do my laundry now, maybe I'll do a load when I'm done with my bath. 

There was a guest who came through my line wearing an awesome Boondock Saints T-shirt, it just SCREAMED Roger* I should have asked where he got it because something tells me that I would have gotten it for him, anonymously though. I don't know why but I've been thinking about him a lot which is super unnerving because I don't really like the guy that much. Weird. 

Saw Cera* today, she looks so good! She lost a lot of weight. Now I know if she can do it, I can do it! She said she ate 5 small meals a day and did a lot of exercises. Okay, I'll do that. Goddess PLEASE help me with whatever it takes to lose this weight!

*Names have been changed


Well as I've mentioned in previous posts, weight loss has been an issue I've had for well over a decade. Although "Cera" was right, 5 small meals a day and lots of exercises usually do the trick. I'm counting my calories using the MyFitnessPal app and trying to hit the gym at least 4 days a week. Today will be day 4 if I can make it, provided my stomach doesn't betray me.

I use to work at Target for about 6 years, which explains the whole "Red Card" B.S. Loved working there throughout high school and college but honestly couldn't stand the whole conversion on how many red cards you got and having to sign people up for that shit. One thing I know for sure, retail is not the industry for me. It's a best, an okay filler while I figure out what my next step is. I'm amused by my thoughts of "Roger", the same guy I mentioned in my Virginia Woolf blog. Glad nothing came from that.

Well time to get back to work.
Until next time, do something that makes you smile
-J